i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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