the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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