I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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