My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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