Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
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