Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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