you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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