you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize