Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize
