she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
