hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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