he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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