You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
