Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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