So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize