Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
