Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
