so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
