Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Randomize
