Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
