my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
