I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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