it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize