This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
