Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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