He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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