it's too hot outside to masturbate.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
