so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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