happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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