Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
