Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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