A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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