i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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