My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
