Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Who put my cat in the fridge?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize