u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
