If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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