dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
