He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
