Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.

(1-603): View more from New Hampshire

The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.

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(603): Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station. (1-603): The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS. http://tfl.nu/opvz

Replies (24) Good night (7274) Bad night (963)
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(443): View more from Maryland

why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?

(410): View more from Maryland

haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background

(443): View more from Maryland

that only happened once.

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(443): why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag? (410): haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background (443): that only happened once. http://tfl.nu/9rml

Replies (36) Good night (5099) Bad night (652)
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(913): View more from Kansas

This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.

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(913): This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed. http://tfl.nu/p27o

Replies (3) Good night (760) Bad night (2645)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived

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(603): dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived http://tfl.nu/mii6

Replies (16) Good night (5106) Bad night (631)
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(803): View more from South Carolina

Why am I in a dog kennel?

(1-803): View more from South Carolina

It was for your own safety

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(803): Why am I in a dog kennel? (1-803): It was for your own safety http://tfl.nu/w7ni

Replies (27) Good night (13268) Bad night (1624)
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(409): View more from Texas

well he's currently spooning the coffee table

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(409): well he's currently spooning the coffee table http://tfl.nu/7khb

Replies (6) Good night (4208) Bad night (1355)
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(630): View more from Illinois

I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.

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(630): I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real. http://tfl.nu/twnp

Replies (16) Good night (3460) Bad night (1513)
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(804): View more from Virginia

Parents weekend was a success.

(973): View more from New Jersey

Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...

(804): View more from Virginia

Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.

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(804): Parents weekend was a success. (973): Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success... (804): Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend. http://tfl.nu/9gkg

Replies (4) Good night (1741) Bad night (675)
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(347): View more from New York

Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.

(718): View more from New York

Truth. Respect the hustle.

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(347): Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess. (718): Truth. Respect the hustle. http://tfl.nu/ecql

Replies (3) Good night (1763) Bad night (640)
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(703): View more from Virginia

I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom

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(703): I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom http://tfl.nu/16e5

Replies (5) Good night (655) Bad night (1536)
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(817): View more from Texas

Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose

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(817): Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose http://tfl.nu/bx5q

Replies (0) Good night (486) Bad night (851)
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(312): View more from Illinois

I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.

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(312): I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM. http://tfl.nu/w4qm

Replies (2) Good night (1212) Bad night (474)
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(515): View more from Iowa

I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.

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(515): I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life. http://tfl.nu/bwnh

Replies (3) Good night (606) Bad night (840)
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.

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(401): I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE. http://tfl.nu/jvh7

Replies (8) Good night (632) Bad night (1673)
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(408): View more from California

i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still

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(408): i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still http://tfl.nu/f9lt

Replies (3) Good night (329) Bad night (502)

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