Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.