I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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