Texts From Last Night

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  (312): View more from Illinois

  Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job

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  (312): Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job http://tfl.nu/iix6
  Replies (27) Good night (5076) Bad night (666)
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.

  (1-912): View more from Georgia

  Who leaves their car unlocked at night?

  (912): View more from Georgia

  Someone who wants to read the newspaper.

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  (912): So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper. (1-912): Who leaves their car unlocked at night? (912): Someone who wants to read the newspaper. http://tfl.nu/c19o
  Replies (23) Good night (7126) Bad night (767)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists

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  (317): Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists http://tfl.nu/xgub
  Replies (11) Good night (3223) Bad night (763)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.

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  (519): how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail. http://tfl.nu/ymgr
  Replies (7) Good night (864) Bad night (3469)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I just Tebowed the shit out of her.

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.

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  (414): I just Tebowed the shit out of her. (336): Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb. http://tfl.nu/wxei
  Replies (10) Good night (2233) Bad night (757)
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  (530): View more from California

  It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.

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  (530): It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle. http://tfl.nu/j4o3
  Replies (9) Good night (2072) Bad night (558)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.

  (1-413): View more from Massachusetts

  A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.

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  (413): Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens. (1-413): A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck. http://tfl.nu/qib0
  Replies (9) Good night (1464) Bad night (624)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.

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  (313): Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This. http://tfl.nu/r466
  Replies (8) Good night (903) Bad night (1168)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.

  (1-250): View more from British Columbia

  What the fuck, why would you ever do that?

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?

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  (250): I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much. (1-250): What the fuck, why would you ever do that? (250): Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball? http://tfl.nu/mk5m
  Replies (5) Good night (2073) Bad night (473)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.

  (1-740): View more from Ohio

  How does this kind of shit happen to you?!

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  (740): I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow. (1-740): How does this kind of shit happen to you?! http://tfl.nu/nrt5
  Replies (6) Good night (1598) Bad night (337)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else

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  (732): i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else http://tfl.nu/vcs9
  Replies (4) Good night (394) Bad night (816)
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  (650): View more from California

  At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.

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  (650): At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe. http://tfl.nu/ot23
  Replies (2) Good night (966) Bad night (373)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.

  (1-954): View more from Florida

  Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.

  (954): View more from Florida

  I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?

  (1-954): View more from Florida

  A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think

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  (954): Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early. (1-954): Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar. (954): I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am? (1-954): A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think http://tfl.nu/h7b0
  Replies (3) Good night (1403) Bad night (409)
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"

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  (252): He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you" http://tfl.nu/xyuz
  Replies (1) Good night (384) Bad night (177)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.

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  (989): You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over. http://tfl.nu/a38d
  Replies (0) Good night (89) Bad night (44)

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