# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
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