I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
