I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.