but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.