Texts From Last Night

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  (775): View more from Nevada

  somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.

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  (775): somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car. http://tfl.nu/3f74
  Replies (16) Good night (3603) Bad night (817)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?

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  (612): You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized? http://tfl.nu/64yi
  Replies (9) Good night (2691) Bad night (708)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim

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  (678): And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim http://tfl.nu/sj8k
  Replies (51) Good night (1443) Bad night (5248)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.

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  (305): She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back. http://tfl.nu/82hh
  Replies (12) Good night (717) Bad night (10747)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.

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  (802): It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside. http://tfl.nu/56u9
  Replies (21) Good night (4280) Bad night (1406)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you

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  (586): plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you http://tfl.nu/ddyv
  Replies (13) Good night (2853) Bad night (1269)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple

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  (502): i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple http://tfl.nu/806d
  Replies (4) Good night (1817) Bad night (939)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.

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  (706): Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon. http://tfl.nu/nu6w
  Replies (18) Good night (1385) Bad night (1810)
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER

  (1-319): View more from Iowa

  THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL

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  (319): WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER (1-319): THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL http://tfl.nu/179q
  Replies (12) Good night (3036) Bad night (586)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.

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  (250): You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you. http://tfl.nu/tyfl
  Replies (10) Good night (1405) Bad night (615)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight

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  (214): Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight http://tfl.nu/391k
  Replies (5) Good night (992) Bad night (436)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol

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  (306): so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol http://tfl.nu/scq5
  Replies (1) Good night (427) Bad night (392)
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  (209): View more from California

  I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.

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  (209): I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night. http://tfl.nu/48e5
  Replies (0) Good night (335) Bad night (422)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?

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  (908): He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling? http://tfl.nu/dpwn
  Replies (9) Good night (617) Bad night (506)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start

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  (773): well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start http://tfl.nu/6z20
  Replies (1) Good night (300) Bad night (689)

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