I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"