We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.