I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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