I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
