I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
