shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
