Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
