Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
