So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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