He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize