During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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