A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
