my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
