Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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