where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
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