glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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