Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
