I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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