I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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