I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
