if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
