wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
