and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
