Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Houston, we have a squirter
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
