First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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