Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
It's shark week go big or go home
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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