Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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