At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
