you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
