go do what you do best...puke behind churches
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
