Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
