I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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