In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
do herpes really smell.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
