the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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