Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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