I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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