tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Randomize
