So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
