I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
