there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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