Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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