There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
